


Butterflies and Hurricanes

by kyewopen



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Band, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Fluff, He's such a supportive little dude, I love Mark in there, M/M, Strangers to Lovers, joshler - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-01-01 00:23:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12144459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyewopen/pseuds/kyewopen
Summary: 'You're on... Well, technically, you can't be 'on' my locker but... You're leaning against it? And I'd like to take my... Hum... Stuff. For classes.'(Basically Tyler is an awkward kid who might have a crush on Josh Dun)





	1. Chapter 1

Joshua Dun.

Joshua Dun was the name of the guy Tyler might have a crush on. Or at least, that's what his best friend Mark said about three times a week. And this, for one year and a half now. And Tyler was heading in the right direction with this crush, Joshua Dun just had to learn about Tyler's existence. But that's only a minor detail, right Tyler? Or it would have been a minor detail if Tyler wasn't freaking out and running away from him every time their gazes would cross or if he wasn't trying his best not to think about this blue haired boy instead of doing his exercises or listening to her teacher. Cause that's what he was supposed to do. Only fantasizing on this student had appeared to be a better occupation and Tyler wasn't ready to change that yet.

Of course you will ask why this anecdote is being told today. But there is a good reason to that. Cause when Tyler climbed these stairs and walked along the corridor, he knew this day was all about changes. Because none other than Joshua Dun was leaning against his locker, preventing him from taking the stuff he needed for his next class. He abruptly stopped walking and a student accidentally jostled him.

 

'Watch it, dickhead!'

 

Tyler quickly apologized and moved to the opposite side of his locker, trying to analyse every option that was before him:

First option: He could wait for Josh to move and take his stuff afterwards before his classes started. But this one was deep in a conversation with his friends who were leaning against the wall and seemed captivated by whatever Josh was saying, but also by the way his hands would move whenever he was miming a thing, by the determined smile on his face, by this blue strand of hair poking out of his hat and... You sure you're not the one fantasizing here, Tyler? He let out a sigh and looked down, realizing it was about time to make a decision because there were only a few minutes before his first period would start.

Second option: He could also go to class without taking his stuff and pretend he had forgotten to take what he needed. But he knew it was a bad idea cause the essay he should have submitted three days ago already was inside his locker and he didn't want to be called names by his teacher who already hated him enough already. No, really, this was probably the worst option. Tyler still remembered this teacher blowing up at him last week cause he hadn't been able to finish this essay in time and he wasn't ready to face him one more time.

Third option: He could simply cross the hallway and politely asked Joshua William Dun (Don't even start to ask how Tyler had learned his middle name) to step aside so he could finally take this freaking essay and move away without having to talk to him ever again. And let's be honest, this option was the logical and right thing to do but Tyler wasn't even ready to think about it. He was acting like a five years old but this student seemed to lose all credibility and lucidity when it came to Josh Dun.

Problem was that Tyler was analyzing these different options for ten minutes and he was also staring at Josh for the same amount of time. Tyler quickly looked away when Josh met his gaze and watched him with an interrogative air. Tyler was now a nervous mess and Josh was surely taking him for a weirdo and before even realizing what he was doing, he had already walked up to him and was now in front of Josh Dun. This one was now watching him with a small smile on his face and seemed to be quite amused by his behavior, but also intrigued, like he was waiting for Tyler to say something.

 

'You're on... Well, technically, you can't be 'on' my locker but... You're leaning against it? And I'd like to take my... Hum... Stuff. For classes.'

'Oh I'm sorry. Here you are.' Josh said with a genuine smile.

 

He was actually talking to Josh Dun for the first time and Tyler was absolutely not freaking out right now. He waited this student to move away to take this essay and to knock his head on this locker several times. Why did he have to act so strangely around him?

Tyler sighed and made his way to his classroom of his first period. He was already regretting the time when Josh Dun didn't even know anything about him so that he was free to watch him in silence. Now he was gonna be labelled as 'the weird guy of the locker 237'

 

* * *

 

'Do you realize, Mark? I made a fool of myself in front of Josh Dun. My life's over.' Tyler said with a dramatic voice while getting out of this classroom.

'Trust me, I know. You can't shut up about what happened this morning. He may thinks you're awkward but at least you talked to him? It's a good start.' Mark answers with a mocking smile.

 

Tyler sighed and followed Mark in the corridor. He hated Mondays morning. He had been thinking about this small incident for these past four hours and even though Josh had probably already forgotten about him, he had decided that it was best for him to ignore this blue haired boy until this university year was over. Plus, Tyler had secretly hoped Josh Dun would be a jerk so he finally could forget about this stupid crush but now, even the incident of this morning seemed to say that Josh Dun was, in fact, genuinely kind. Which probably made him the most perfect guy that ever crossed Tyler's path.

Not that Tyler didn't know that already. Cause let's be honest, Tyler knew a lot of things about him by now. He knew Josh was going to school with his skateboard, that he was an excellent basket-ball player, or that he was playing the drums during his spare time. He also knew he wasn't smoking, which was a very important piece of information for him. But most importantly, Josh Dun was surely a lot more outgoing than him. He was the kind of guy who was always ready to party and Tyler was the introverted kind of person who would rather stayed in his bedroom, writing down his thoughts on a journal or singing and playing the piano in his basement. Put another way there was very little chance for a guy like Josh Dun to be interested in a guy like him.

The only positive thing Tyler could find in this very moment was that he could finally eat with his friends and really, nothing that embarrassing could happen to him in front of a plate full of fries, right? At least, that's what he was thinking while entering this university restaurant.

He grabbed a tray and chose the most calorific food he could find, thinking to himself that he could at least enjoy this meal as much as possible so that he could finally forget about the incident of this morning. And eating a pizza and a doughnut seemed like the right way to have it done. Tyler swept the room to find an empty table and his jaw actually dropped when his eyes fell on Josh who was waving to him with a very large smile on his face. Tyler frowned and hesitated for a moment at first before waving back to him, still confused about what was happening. Until he found out that Josh Dun was obviously not waving to him but to a girl who seemed, Tyler had to admit, far more interesting than him. This one smiled broadly and moved towards the table to join him.

And things could have been manageable if Josh wouldn't have noticed Tyler and laughed for a few seconds before looking at him, confused. He still nodded his head to acknowledge him and Tyler could have survived if he wouldn't have smiled like a five years old, but most importantly, if he hadn't missed this step which made him hit the ground in such a violent way.

Tyler groaned in pain and stayed still for a few moment before realizing that he had made a fool of himself once again, not only in front of Josh Dun but in front of the whole university. He quickly sat up on the ground and tried not to feel embarrassed when he heard some of the students laughing at him. He gathered up all the food and thanked God for not having broken anything despite the violence of the impact.

He thanked Mark when this one squatted to grab his tray and put it on the table like he had done with his a few seconds ago. Tyler stood up but winced in pain when he felt a sharp pain in his knee and he would probably have fallen over again if someone hadn't put his hands on his shoulders. To hold him. He turned over and felt his heart skipped a beat to see that it was again Josh who looked at him with concern, making sure he wouldn't lose his balance before letting him go.

 

'Be careful next time. I wouldn't want to hurt you again.' Josh said with a small smile on his face before leaving this university restaurant.

 

And in this very moment, Tyler didn't know if he should be glad or cry of desperation to have gone from being the 'weird guy of the locker 237' to be the 'guy who can't help but to fall over when I look at him.'

Tyler sat on this chair, in front of Mark who was smiling at him with a knowing look. But Tyler remained silent. He had made a fool of himself in front of Josh Dun more in a day than the whole past year. He looked down and started eating, promising to himself he would never talk to Joshua Dun ever again so that he wouldn't die of embarrassment in front of him. But when he realized he could still feel the hands of this student on his shoulders, he realized that things could get slightly more difficult than he imagined.

 

'You know... I may be straight but you just need to have two eyes to know that this dude won't stay single forever. So... Maybe you should think of a better approach... Like you could actually talk to him, you know? Rather than looking silently at him or falling over when he looks at you. Although it's true there was a physical contact, it actually is a major step forward...' Mark said, laughing. 'Maybe I should congratulate you... And maybe I'm not that straight.'

 

Tyler laughed at this and looked down. The real problem was that Tyler was constantly thinking about all the options he had to actually start to talk to this blue haired boy but he knew he wouldn't ever go for it. He had always been too shy and too anxious about everything and let's be honest, watching him in silence was way more simple. He was probably being creepy, now he thought about it but it's not like he was following him everywhere and taking pictures of him like this real stalker on 13 reasons Why. And even if there were a lot of rumors going around that Josh Dun was bisexual, the truth could be completely different.

 

'What happened here, Tyler? You look like shit.' Dustin said while joining his friends on the table.

'He's just thinking about you know who.' Mark answered while eating his fries.

'Speaking of Josh Dun, I have big news. I joined the Basket-ball team, and since he's in too, you could officially meet him.'

'Honestly? Don't bother.' Tyler answered, shrugging when Dustin looked at him with an interrogative air.

 

Tyler sighed and chose not to answer, knowing Mark would be here to tell the whole story. And of course, as he had guessed, Mark was pleased to let Dustin know all about the news concerning Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun. Cause his 'crush' had become a real topic of conversation between these friends, including Amy who wasn't eating with them on Mondays. Tyler put his forehead against the table and sighed for the hundred times this morning, trying to ignore the burst of laughter of his two friends.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So originally I wrote this fic in french and I decided to translate it, it's not over yet and I don't really know where I'm heading with this so be patient, I don't think there will be regular updates! But I really want to finish it :) 
> 
> Hope you liked it :)
> 
> (By the way, I took at least fifteen minutes to think about a title, I don't know why I'm wasting my time with stupid stuff like this and I don't know why I'm telling you this okay I'll stop the awkwardness, bye)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are mentions of self-harm in this chapter just to warn you if you don't feel like reading this kind of stuff :)

But later tonight, when Tyler came back home from this university day, he locked himself in his room, as he did a lot more recently. And he started to cry. And he couldn't even say why. He didn't know why he started to feel anxious and oppressed, like he was trapped inside his own body. He was scared, and afraid, and stressed. He was afraid of stupid things, insignificant things but his brain couldn't stop from making them look terrifying. He was seeing himself again in this university restaurant, lying on the ground while everybody was laughing at his clumsiness. He was seeing himself feeling embarrassed in front of this blue haired boy and all of this was making him feeling ashamed of himself. Tyler knew it wasn't that bad and that he was surely overreacting but he couldn't control his anxiety. And this one was the worst tonight. And this time, there wasn't Mark around to convince him that he was worth it, that he was so much more than this anxiety and that he was so, so brave for trying to beat it. No, Mark wasn't here to remind him of these things and Tyler was lying on his bed and he was crying his eyes out, and he couldn't breathe.

And in these moments, he hated himself and was feeling so worthless. In this moment, life seemed so pointless and Tyler didn't know why he kept trying. He just wanted to stop thinking. He just wanted to stop thinking about anything at all. He wanted his brain to shut off. Tyler looked down to see these scars on his arms and it was a constant reminder of how tough life could be. And in this very moment, Tyler felt the urge need to do it again. It had been two years now since the last time he used these razor blades and since he promised himself not to do it again. And he was doing so good until a few months ago.

For a moment, Tyler could see himself going to this bathroom and take the razor blades of his father. This one, as well as his mother, knew about the self-harm and his father used to hide these blades until he was convinced that his son was doing better. These parents had always been supportive and Tyler felt lucky to have them just like his two brothers and her sister. And he didn't want to disappoint them. He couldn't do that to them a second time. As much as he wanted to. But most importantly, he couldn't do that to himself. So he thought about the promise he had made to himself in this very bedroom two years ago and took his cellphone in his jean's pocket to open the memo Mark had left for him a few months ago and read it over and over again until he was feeling calm again.

 

_'If you're thinking of doing what I'm thinking of, don't. You're brave. You're strong. You can do it. I know you can. Go downstairs and play the piano. Sing. Scream. Run. Or even go punch someone on the face, as long as it's not me I don't care. But don't do that. Please. You're worth it. You're loved. You're so, so loved.'_

 

And that was during these moments when Tyler felt so lucky to have a best friend like Mark. And so he took his cellphone and sent him a quick message.

 

_'You can be a real pain in the ass sometimes, but I love you so much.'_

_'I love you too, ty-guy.'_

 

Tyler smiled to himself and eventually fell asleep without even taking time to eat.

 

* * *

 

It had been thirty minutes since Tyler and Mark were sitting on these bleachers, looking at Dustin's first training with the basket-ball team. They were waiting for him to go to Taco Bell afterwards. Tyler was used to be here every Thursday afternoon, not only because the basket-ball was training and it was a good excuse to look at this blue-haired boy but mostly because he liked this place and he often found a lot of inspiration here for his new poems and songs.

He looked down and wrote some words or even sentences that had been on his mind for quite some time now while Mark was trying to finish the History's essay that they had to submit the week after. Tyler had obviously not even thought about it yet and had planned to try and start it two days before, if he was feeling inspired. He often looked up to watch Dustin (and Josh... Mostly Josh) playing and he had to admit that his friend was a really good player as well.

 

'You go, Dustin!' Tyler said loudly when this one scored.

 

Dustin looked up and smiled to him while none other than Josh Dun did the same and was soon waving in his direction. Tyler looked down as soon as he saw the blue-haired boy waved, he really didn't want to make the same mistake again as he did four days ago in this university restaurant. But this one kept waving in his direction and Tyler was confused. He quickly looked to the left and to the right and frowned when he realized that the only student who was also seated on these bleachers was a guy and this one was some 10 meters away from him and Mark. There was no way Josh was waving at him, except if this blue-haired boy had a really bad sense of orientation.

 

'I really think he's waving at you this time, Tyler'. Mark said.

 

Only then did Tyler dare to point at himself and he felt the urge need to be buried in the ground when Josh nodded and laughed for a few seconds. And even if Tyler couldn't hear him properly, he knew Josh was making a bit of fun of him, reminding him of the incident Tyler was really trying to forget about. He hastily looked down and took Mark's notebook to hide his face with it but when his friend told him that Josh was laughing even more, he knew that he couldn't feel more embarrassed. He nudged Mark when he heard himself burst into laughter and quickly got up when the whole team joined the changing rooms to take a quick shower and change into more casual clothes.

Tyler leaned against the wall, trying to ignore the comments of Mark who couldn't stop laughing since Josh had waved at him. But soon, Tyler realized that his phone wasn't in his bag anymore and he felt his heart skip a beat and started to turn around to check if he hadn't left it on the bleachers. But while Tyler was quickly making his way to the field, he collided with someone. And of course, of course it had to be Josh Dun who was walking backwards, saying goodbye to one of his friends. This one turned around and Tyler noticed the smile on his face when his eyes stopped upon him.

 

'Oh, you again! I must bring you bad luck. I think you should stay away from me.' Josh said with a large smile on his face.

'Now that could be a problem.' Mark said and Tyler laughed nervously wile giving Mark a death stare.

 

To his great relief, Josh didn't seem to understand and looked at Mark, quite confused before smiling at Tyler who quickly made his way to the bleachers without even smiling back at him. He just wanted to disappear from the earth.

He sighed of relief when he saw his phone on the bleachers and quickly took it before making his way back towards Mark and Dustin who were waiting for him in front of the main building of this university. And of course, Mark had to tell Dustin about what happened cause this one couldn't stop laughing.

 

'I think I can't even look at him in the eyes, ever again.' Tyler said, following his two friends out of the university.

'Oh, I wouldn't say that if I were you.' Dustin said. 'He must know I was one of your friends because he asked me your name in the changing room. He said you were really cute and that he wouldn't mind having you in his bed.

'You're lying.' Tyler answered.

'Okay, I might have invented the last part. He seemed interested, though.'

'Stop talking rubbish.'

 

But still. Tyler thought. Josh Dun actually know my name. Tyler was maybe too pleased to hear that and he was completely screwed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think?


	3. Chapter 3

More than a week had passed and Tyler may had thought about a blue-haired boy most of the time (Maybe the whole week). It seems that Tyler's body wanted him to look like a complete and awkward weirdo every time he was crossing Josh's path. And now, this one knew his name and Tyler still didn't know if it was a good thing or not. Cause with all the impartiality he could have, Josh had surely ask his name to Dustin just because he wanted to put a name to the face of the weird kid who was maybe staring at him too much.

 

'Or maybe he asked your name cause he likes you.' Amy said after hearing the misfortune of Tyler Joseph.

'Did you at least listen to everything I said?' Tyler answered.

 

Tyler sighed when his friend let out a small laugh. She was way too optimistic to be impartial, Tyler thought. They were silently walking next to each other and Tyler was listening to Amy who was complaining about her History teacher. They slowly made their way to the nearest Taco Bell where Dustin and Mark were supposed to wait for them to eat something. Every occasion was a good one for eating at Taco Bell for Tyler, and tonight was Friday's night and he had nothing else better to do. That's the reason why he pushed the Taco Bell's doors, letting Amy past before going in right after. He quickly ordered and paid for his friend, knowing Amy was herself really shy and anxious.

He smiled at Dustin when this one waved at them but frowned when he realized that they were already three people sitting on the same table. He didn't remember someone inviting anyone else and turned away abruptly when he recognized none other than Josh Dun who seemed to have a deep conversation with Mark. He didn't know how that blue-haired boy could have ended up at the same table as his friends but he sure knew all of this was a terrible idea.

 

'What the fuck is he doing here?' Tyler said to himself, already making his way outside the fast-food.

'I don't know but you're going to make your way to him, and say hi.' Amy answered while taking his hand in hers so that he wouldn't try to escape. Tyler strongly shook his head, refusing to move. He didn't want to face Josh right now. He had come here to enjoy the time together with some close friends and he was now forced to talk to this blue-haired boy and he was so not ready for this.

'But what do you want me to tell him? I've already said enough! He must think I'm a weirdo or something.'

'Be yourself and if he's being a jerk, then he doesn't deserve you and you'll know.'

 

Amy dragged him along a second time. Tyler knew it was pointless to resist and that he was damned to make a fool of himself once again. So he gathered his courage and made his way towards his friends, trying to ignore the big smile on Mark's face and Dustin's knowing look. He stopped just right next to this table and smiled shyly at Josh when this one looked up. And that's only when Amy nudged him that he actually talked to this blue-haired boy for the first time.

 

'Hey' He said with a smile.

 

And in this very moment, Tyler was really proud of himself. Cause even if it was a simple word, a word he was used to say at least ten times a day, he had said it right. Not too shy. Not too weird. It was perfect, the kind of 'hey' he was saying to Dustin, Mark or even Amy when he was meeting them in the morning before going to school. He smiled at Josh a second time when this one answered the same thing and let go of Amy's hand, cause he really didn't want Josh to think that he was dating her. He then sat at the same table, just in front of this blue-haired boy, and he was convinced that it wasn't a coincidence that the only remaining seat was this one.

 

'Tyler, right?' Josh asked and Tyler simply nodded, trying so hard not to smile like an idiot and when Josh held out his hand to him, Tyler quickly shook hands with him. He was doing a great job for now and he hoped it would go on like this.

 

'I'm Jo-'

'You're Josh Dun, I know.' Tyler said, interrupting Josh. 'Don't ask me how I know your last name, please.' Tyler added.

 

Tyler sighed and tried to ignore the laughs of his two friends. He was convinced they were making fun of him, and let's face it, he had completely screwed the whole thing up once again. But when he looked up, Josh was genuinely smiling at him, as if he understood that it wasn't the right time to laugh at him.

 

'Well, Tyler. I'm sorry I don't know you as much as you know me.' Josh said.

'Joseph.'

'Joseph?' Josh asked, intrigued, but still smiling.

'It's... It's my last name.' Tyler added and he only really wanted to run far, far away from Josh.

'Well It's really nice to meet you, Tyler Joseph.' Josh answered, smiling.

 

Tyler smiled back and quickly focused on his food, eating silently. He was trying really hard to talk to his friends like he used to but that wasn't the easiest thing to do, knowing Josh Dun was right in front of him. Cause he didn't want him to think he was even more awkward as he already thought. That's why he was also trying not to look at him all the time. But Tyler wondered then what was the most strange thing to do: Staring at him most of the time or not giving him a single look during the whole evening by fear of seeming too insistent?

 

'Tyler?' Dustin asked and Tyler realized he was once again lost in thoughts.

'You talked to me?' Tyler asked and this made Josh laugh. And Tyler was now determined to make him laugh a lot more. Cause it probably was one of the most beautiful sounds he ever heard.

'I was just asking you if you had something planned tonight?' Dustin asked a second time.

'Huh... No. Well I don't think so. Why?'

'Well because Josh Dun over here invited us to a party. So we're all going.' Mark said.

'Okay. I'm in.' Tyler answered, trying to sound more enthusiastic than he actually was.

 

Cause of course he wasn't enthusiastic about it, he had always hated this kind of parties. He'd always thought there were too many people and way too much noise. He was always feeling rather anxious but he still got up at the same time as his friends, trying really hard to contain his anxiety like every time he was inviting to a place with too many people and bad music. He could already feel an inner burning in his stomach but he couldn't really escape now, could he? But he still followed his friends and thanked Josh when this one held the door for him to get out first. He tried to smile at him to hide the discomfort he was already feeling by the idea of spending the night in a house he didn't know with people he'd probably never see again but quickly gave up when he realized his smile probably looked like a grimace.

 

'I only have two spare places in my car. Josh, do you mind driving Tyler?' Mark asked.

 

Mark did have three seats in his car, Tyler was sure of it. It only was a way of letting him be alone with Josh for a few moments and he would probably have been glad for this opportunity but right now, Tyler only wanted to choke his best-friend. Cause Mark knew all about his anxiety and Tyler was way too stressed to enjoy the moment. So he just gave him a dirty look but still followed Josh and nodded when this one pointed an old car parked next to the fast-food.

He seated on the passenger seat and put on his seat belt. He looked at the streets of the city of Columbus through the window and remained really quiet, even though he could feel his anxiety rising up in him the more they were getting close to this house.

 

'Dustin told me you were a really good singer?' Josh asked, bringing Tyler back to reality.

'Oh no I'm not. It's not that great, really.' Tyler said.

'That's not what he told me. You play any instruments?' Josh asked, seeming genuinely interested.

'The piano and the ukulele sometimes. But again, I just started learning so I'm not that good.'

'That's sick! I play the drums.' Josh said.

'I know.' Tyler answered without really thinking.

'You seem to know a lot of things about me.' Josh said with a smile and Tyler blushed and looked down, without answering anything.

 

When the car finally stopped, Tyler looked up and when he saw this huge house with already a lot of people inside, he could already feel his heart racing and his mouth getting dry. Tyler got out of the car and felt a bit relieved for a moment when he joined his friends but his anxiety just got worse when he crossed the threshold. He looked up to see people dancing in the middle of the main room, most of them already wasted. Others were making out on couches or in the corners of the rooms and Tyler didn't know if they really tried to be discreet about it or if they were too drunk to notice. Either way, Tyler wanted to make his way towards them and asked them if they wanted him to buy them a hotel room. He wasn't shocked, he just thought there was a big difference between kissing and being on the verge of making love in front of about fifty people. In other words, as soon as he got in this house, he only had one thing in mind: Go home and snuggle into his cushions.

 

'You okay?' Mark asked.

 

Tyler just shook his head and quickly crossed the room to sit on a couch, far away from the drunk people. He looked up when he felt someone sit just next to him and smiled at Josh who was handing him a beer. And Tyler was a non-drinker and at first, he just thought he could take the bottle and pretend to drink and have fun but then, he remembered Amy's advice about being himself and that's what he did.

 

'That's really nice of you but... I don't drink any alcohol? Sorry.'

'Don't be sorry, really. I can go and find you something else. What do you want? A coke?'

'Yes, that would be great. Thank you.' Tyler said and he didn't know why he was being so awkward and polite around Josh but that didn't seem to bother the blue-haired boy who quickly answered.

'Be right back.' He said with a smile.

 

Tyler nodded and stayed silent and motionless on this couch. Once again, Josh could have asked why he wasn't drinking like every one else who thought it was weird and that you couldn't properly enjoy the 'student experience' thing if you weren't getting drunk. Tyler placed his hands under his thighs and sighed when he saw Mark and Dustin smiling broadly at him and giving him thumbs-up. He knew it was because he was talking to Josh Dun for the first time and Tyler was still wondering why these two guys were his best friends sometimes. Make no mistake, he loved them with all his heart but they could be pretty annoying sometimes. But Tyler didn't really have more time to think about it because Josh was now handing him a coke can while sitting next to him a second time.

 

'Are we at one of your friend's house?' Tyler asked.

'Yeah, Dan's. He's on the basket-ball's team as well.' Josh said. 'But enough about me. Tell me about yourself.' Josh asked with a broad smile. And really, Tyler was trying so hard not to smile back but how could you remain unmoved when someone as beautiful as Josh Dun was looking at you?

'But we weren't talking about you?' Tyler asked and smiled when Josh laughed and his eyes crinkled and he was probably gonna be the death of him.

'Fair enough. But you already seem to know everything about me so what's the point?' Josh asked and Tyler couldn't help but blush at the comment.

'I'm not... I don't know everything about you.' He said. 'What do you want to know?'

'Anything.' Josh said.

'Well, I'm... Tyler Joseph. Obviously. I like music. And concerts. I watch too many shows and I'm just really awkward. But I think you've already noticed that.' Tyler said and Josh laughed again.

'You're a weird kid, Tyler. But in a good way.'

'Well... Thanks. I guess.' Tyler said and he couldn't realize that he was actually having a real conversation with this student while just two weeks ago, this one didn't even know Tyler existed.

 

They talked for a while until Josh got up, saying he had to see a friend and of course, of course Tyler took it as an excuse to make him understand that he wasn't interesting at all and that he was already getting bored. He quickly looked up to try and find Mark, Dustin or Amy in the room but he couldn't find them anywhere and there was too much noise and he was getting really anxious. He could feel himself shaking and he was trying so hard to control his breathing but his heart was racing and he couldn't focus on anything else but the noise which started to make his head hurt. So he closed his eyes, trying to relax and to forget the noise and all the people around him but he was feeling so oppressed.

He got up and tried to move through the crowd but he could feel that his breathing was becoming rapid and difficult and he was feeling trapped among this crowd and he wanted to scream. He made his way to the nearest bathroom and closed the door to muffle the sound of the electronic music. He looked at himself in the mirror and tried to regain his breath but he could feel his hands clench into fists and his throat was so dry.

The door opened and Mark was there, silently looking at Tyler with a concerned look and then Tyler's gaze crossed his and he tried to talk. But he could already feel the tears coming to his eyes and so Mark simply nodded to make him understand that he didn't have to say anything. Mark put one of his hands on his arm and helped him get out of the house so he could sit on the sidewalk. Here again, Tyler tried to calm himself but he soon was bursting into tears without even knowing why. Maybe cause once again, his anxiety got the best of him and he was so, so tired to feel so anxious just because he had been surrounded by people he didn't know in a house where the music was too loud. Cause sometimes, he just wished he could be a normal student living a normal life with his friends. He sighed and thought that at least, Mark had been there to prevent the panic attack from happening. He gave him a small smile when his friend put his hand on his shoulder to show emotional support but then Josh was also making his way towards him and he hated himself for letting this happen in front of him.

 

'I'm sorry but I saw him and I got worried... Is he okay?' He asked Mark, knowing Tyler wasn't able to answer this question right now.

'Yeah, don't worry. He just gets anxious sometimes and... Could you... Could you maybe bring him a glass of water? I just want to be next to him if he starts to panic.' Mark said and Tyler wasn't really hearing what he was saying. He had his eyes closed and was trying to relax. He only opened his eyes again when he felt someone squat next to him and he quickly thanked Josh when he handed him this glass. He took it with a shaking hand and quickly drank before putting it on the ground.

'I need to bring Dustin and Amy home, they're wasted. But they live in the opposite direction from Tyler. Can you maybe bring him home? He needs it.' Mark said and this time, he wasn't lying. They did live on the opposite sides of the city.

'No worries.' Josh said with a smile.

'Thanks Josh. Maybe he should stay seated for a few minutes.' Mark said before giving Josh Tyler's address and walked away.

 

Tyler looked up to Josh who was still sitting next to him and this one gave him a sincere smile without saying anything. Tyler was still feeling nervous but also embarrassed that Josh got to see him in a moment like this. He took a deep breath but jumped when someone spoke.

 

'Josh, what the fuck are you doing outside man?' One of his friends said, loudly to which Josh answered vaguely.

'I'm sorry.' He then said to Tyler before putting his own jacket on Tyler's shoulders.

 

Tyler followed him on the street and thanked Josh when he opened the passenger door, letting him go inside the car before closing it again. Tyler was silent during the whole ride, trying to avoid eye contact while Josh was looking at him sometimes, seeming genuinely concerned. Once Josh's car parked on the sidewalk, Tyler unfastened his seat belt and gave back the jacket to Josh before opening the door.

 

'Thank you' He said, shyly.

'You're welcome. Good night, Tyler. And take care of yourself, okay?'

'I... I will. Good night, Josh.'

 

Tyler closed the door and got into his house to lock himself in his room, falling asleep as soon as he laid down on his bed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaaay they finally talked! I hope you liked it!


	4. Chapter 4

Tyler only woke up after 12pm next morning and that was only because he heard his father slammed the door after getting into the house. This one used to run at least three mornings a week, especially on week-ends and he had this unpleasant habit to slam the door every time he came back home. Tyler opened his eyes, not without any difficulty and he yawned for a few seconds before sitting up straight on his bed, still tired about last night. His anxiety was always tiring him out and even if he had slept for ten hours straight, he was still feeling shattered and he knew he could have slept a lot more if it wasn't for his dad. He ruffled his hair with his right hand and took his phone who was still on his bedside table. He checked his inbox to see if he hadn't received any messages and he frowned when he saw that he had a new friend request on Facebook, smiling when he saw that it was none other that Josh Dun and that this one had already sent him a message a few hours ago.

 

_'Hi Tyler. I'm a bit worried and I just wanted to be sure you were feeling better.'_

_'Don't be, really. I'm feeling much better, thank you.'_

_'Does this happen a lot? The anxiety thing?'_

 

Tyler stared at his phone's screen for several seconds, he didn't know if he wanted Josh to know about his anxiety. He hesitated and still decided to be honest with this blue-haired boy without saying too much.

 

_'Kind of. Much more than I'd like. But I'm used to it now. It was much worse before.'_

_'Okay, well I just wanted you to know that I understand and I'm here If you want to talk about it. You seem like a nice guy, Tyler, I was glad to get to know you better.'_

_'Thanks Josh. I really appreciate it. I gotta go, see you on Monday?'_

_'See you!'_

 

If Tyler didn't know for sure just two days ago, he was now convinced that Josh was genuinely kind. He usually didn't talk about his anxiety to guys he just met but this blue-haired boy had seen him panicked and Tyler just thought that it was pointless to lie. And it was always a good thing to see that he was supported.

Tyler didn't wait any longer to go downstairs, knowing his mother would probably call him soon enough anyway. He entered the living-room and smiled to his father who was sitting on the couch, watching tv. Tyler sat down next to him and looked up to say hi to his sister Madison who seemed already busy to do her homework on the kitchen table.

 

'Tyler?' His dad asked and Tyler looked up and frowned when he realized that his dad was now watching him with a concerned look.

'What's up?'

'I was just wondering... You would tell me, right, if it was getting bad again? You would tell us? To me and your mom?' His dad asked and Tyler knew that his father would eventually noticed something was up. And Tyler was tempted to say that everything was perfectly fine and really, he wasn't really lying. It wasn't that bad, he had known much worse when he was still in high school but he had learnt that talking about his problems to his parents was very important and so he decided against it and told the truth.

'I... These past few weeks have been rough but... It's not that bad.' Tyler said.

'You're sure? Where were you last night? I didn't hear you coming back home.' His father asked.

'I was at a party with Mark, Dustin and Amy... And I got really anxious so a friend drove me back home.' He answered and his father nodded.

'Mark?'

'No, a guy called Josh. I don't really know him.' Tyler said. 'You have nothing to worry about dad, I promise.'

 

He didn't want his father to panic like he did the first time he discovered the scars on his arm. His parents had always been so supportive and one day, Tyler even discovered them reading a book entitled 'What to do when your child is depressed'. He used to always tell them that they were worrying too much but at least, they were trying to understand and were being really supportive and Tyler was very grateful.

Tyler spent the entire week-end with his family and tried to do this history essay cause he really didn't want to be late like last time. But then before he realized it, it was already Monday morning and he was getting ready for university. He put on his beanie and his coat before getting out of his house. He walked with a rapid step cause he was feeling really cold and he sighed when it started raining. He was thinking that the day was already getting boring but then he heard a car honking its horn and when he turned around, Josh was waving at him.

 

'Get in!'

 

And Josh didn't have to ask twice. Tyler was tired and he was already soaked to the skin. He sat on the passenger seat and thanked Josh before getting rid of his coat as well as his sweater which was also completely wet. He then remained silent, listening to the songs playing on the radio but he was freezing to death and Josh seemed to realize it cause he was handing him his own sweater.

 

'Take it' Josh said.

 

And Tyler looked at him for a few seconds without doing anything before taking it, not without a small smile on his face. And he had to admit that it was nice to feel warm again and maybe even nicer to smell Josh's perfume. And he was definitely going to keep this last thought to himself.

Once Josh had parked his car, they silently made their way to the main building and Tyler smiled when Josh stopped at his locker. He probably wanted to wait for him or to ask him something, and that's what he did after a few seconds.

 

'Well I'll see you at lunch, yeah?'

'Yeah, I... I guess you will' Tyler said.

'Great!' Josh smiled broadly at him and then made his way to his first period.

 

Tyler still didn't know what Josh was really studying which was kind of weird, considering that he knew a lot of things about this blue-haired boy. He only knew Josh was a third year student so he was probably two, maybe three years older than him because Tyler had himself just started university. He was now walking towards the room of his first period and his teacher was probably the most boring of the whole university and he was already getting annoyed just to think about it.

 

'Hi' Amy said. 'New sweater?' She asked.

 

Amy had a gift to notice the small details of every person and of course Tyler should have thought that she would notice Josh's sweater. He gave her a small smile and answered the question when she frowned, knowing that his answer would surely be followed by a thousand questions.

 

'It may be Josh's sweater.'

'JOSH DUN?' Amy answered, loudly and a few students looked up. 'But you... Did I miss something?'

'You didn't. I was just walking and I got soaked by the rain. He saw me and he stopped his car and he just gave me his sweater cause mine was wet.'

'And then you're telling me that he doesn't like you?'

'But he doesn't!'

 

A few minutes later, Dustin and Mark sat next to them and Tyler had to endure the explicit comments of his two friends when Amy told them the news. He looked down and sigh with resignation, and it was surely the first time that Tyler was truly happy to see his teacher entering the classroom, meaning that his friends had to shut up for at least four hours. Tyler looked up to his teacher and took a sheet of paper from his bag, trying his hardest to stay focus on what the teacher was saying. But he couldn't stop thinking about this blue-haired boy and he really didn't want to give back this sweater to Josh.

He was soon entering the cafeteria after these four long hours and Dustin was telling him all about his new date with some girl he didn't even know. He tried to say focus but then Josh was waving at him from a table at the back of the room and Tyler gave him a small smile, ignoring the comment of Dustin saying that he could at least pretend he was paying attention to what he was telling him. Tyler quickly brought himself a sandwich and followed Dustin who was already making his way to the table Josh was sitting at. It made sense now they were on the same basketball team and were basically friends but it still felt weird, to be seated in front of this student. It didn't really feel real, but Tyler wasn't going to complain.

There were a lot of students he didn't know at this table, he could remember seeing some of them at this party but most of them were total strangers to him. And that's why he started eating his sandwich, saying a few words to Amy who was seated next to him and Tyler could feel this one was feeling anxious too. He knew she had to deal with social anxiety too even though she was better at hiding it than him, and it was probably the reason why he was getting along so well with her.

 

'How was your first period?' Josh asked.

Tyler was still eating his sandwich in silence and it's only when Josh repeated the question a second time that he realized he was actually talking to him.

'Boring.' He said and Josh laughed.

'What are you studying?' He asked.

'I'm majoring in English and I chose music as a minor.' Tyler answered. 'You?'

'Same for music but I'm majoring in psychology. I'd like to be a music therapist if I can't make it in a band.'

 

And Tyler couldn't help but smile. He always thought it was a beautiful job and he probably would have been glad to do that if he wasn't dealing with anxiety and depression himself. Suffering from both could actually be a strength for this job, he thought, but it could also be a weakness and Tyler really didn't think he was enough stable to deal with other people's misery, as selfish as it sounded.

 

'We should start a band.' Tyler said and smiled again when Josh's face lit up.

'We totally should, man!' He said, excited. 'What would be the band's name?'

'I've always said that my band would be called Twenty One Pilots.'

'Twenty One Pilots? I like it. Come on, let's start a band!'

'Just the two of us?' Tyler asked.

'Yeah! You sing and play the piano, the uke and the bass. And I'll just drum. Nobody cares about the drummer anyway.'

'That's not true! I'm a sucker for drummers!'

 

And honestly, Tyler didn't plan for these words to come out of his mouth. They just did. He didn't plan to say it that loud either but now everybody was watching him and Tyler was now blushing like crazy and he just wanted to run away from this place.

 

'Yeah, no shit?' Dustin said and then everybody was laughing except for Josh who was just looking at him with a small reassuring smile on his face.

'Well lucky me, then!'

 

And then Tyler was looking at him with wide eyes and his cheeks were so red that Tyler thought he could actually be used as a heating system for the whole university. As much as Tyler wanted Josh to flirt with him, he was convinced that Josh only wanted to be nice because who would want to date somebody like him, really? Probably no one, Tyler thought. And as soon as it was time to go back to class, he was already rushing to get to the room where he was having his next and last period. It was music. And he was alone during this period, without Dustin, Mark and Amy and Tyler couldn't have been happier. Then, he would go home, watch some series and forget about this lunch. It seemed like a good plan.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter yay
> 
> To be honest, I don't really like it? Sometimes I want to stop this fic because I feel like it sucks so just tell me if you really want it to be continued, I guess. Isn't it so badly written?


	5. Chapter 5

Tyler was writing this essay about The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner, or at least he was trying to. He had written the introduction  and he was really proud of it but he was stuck for words for the first part. He had made a good plan, he knew that cause the teacher himself had told him that it was very promising. He knew what he had to say but he just couldn't find the right words. He was looking at this white blank word page that seemed to stare back at him like it was judging him because he couldn't write down what he had in mind. And he could have just taken a break and tried to carry on with this essay later but Tyler was stubborn and right now, he felt like taking a break would mean he was worthless.

And that's how he started crying. He was staring at his computer and after deleting what he had wrote for the fourth time, a few tears were already rolling down his cheek and he didn't even know why. He was feeling very tired and these sleepless nights he was used to were getting more and more frequent and if his father hadn't been here two days ago to force him to stay at home, Tyler would probably have slept through the whole day in university. He knew his parents were getting worried, as well as Mark who seemed to have guessed that it was getting bad again and he should have felt relieved that so many people were here for him but right now, it was only putting additional pressure on his shoulders.

He tried to write a few more lines but ended up deleting them as well, letting out a frustrated sigh; every single words he was writing felt wrong. He tried to stay focused and glanced at this book which was still on his bed before looking back at his computer with tired eyes. Maybe his brain was just too slow to process every ideas he wanted to write down today. Or maybe he was just a worthless student who wasn't even able to write a satisfactory essay. Needless to say Tyler was convincing himself of the latter.

Tyler laid down on his bed and was about to close his eyes when he felt his phone vibrating against his bedside table, letting him know he had received a new message through Facebook. This one was from Josh and usually, Tyler would have answered with a huge smile on his face but today, even a text from this blue-haired boy wasn't enough to cheer him up, or at least not as much as he would have liked.

 

_'Hi. Skipped classes on Friday?'_

_'Yeah, I didn't get any sleep, I was exhausted.'_

 

Talking through texts had become a kind of habit between the two students and Tyler wasn't going to complain, especially since Josh was usually the one to text first. It was stupid, really, but Tyler was usually the one having to start the conversation with people and it felt good to see that for once, the desire to talk was shared and requited.

 

_'Feeling any better now?'_

_'Not really.'_

_'Wanna talk about it?'_

 

Josh was always asking him this same question over and over again, just to let him know that he could rant or vent as much as he wanted to and he would be there to listen. Tyler was always telling him that he was good, that he was just tired and that he would be better the day after but this time, things seemed heavier than before and Tyler was exhausted to keep it all to himself.

 

_'You really don't mind?'_

_'Of course not, I may not be the best at giving advice but I'm a pretty good listener :)'_

_'I'm feeling constantly on edge lately and it makes me a lot more sensitive that I'd care to admit. Just now I wanted to write this essay and I couldn't find the right words and I just started crying in the middle of my room. And now I'm laying down on my bed and everything seems pointless.'_

 

Tyler pressed the 'send' button without even realizing it and he suddenly felt a wave of anxiety running through his body, wondering whether he said too much.

 

_'I'm sorry if it's too much, we don't know each other very well, I probably should have stayed quiet.'_

 

He sighed and looked up to the ceiling, biting his lip. He was convinced that he had screwed up the whole thing once again and felt like he had just crossed a line he had no right to cross in the first place, and when his screen lit up a second time, Tyler could already feel his heart pounding in his chest.

 

_'Don't worry about it, Tyler. I'm the one who asked you to open up to me in the first place and I'm glad you did. Things may seem rough right now but it will get better. I know it sounds cliche af but it's true. Trust me.'_

_'Thank you, I'll try to keep that in mind.'_

_'What are you doing right now? My family is out but I can't cook for shit, wanna grab lunch at Taco Bell and hang out?'_

_'I'm at my grandma's today so I can't, I'm really sorry.'_

_'Don't worry, we'll do that another day, yeah?'_

_'I'd love to.'_

_'Take care of yourself, Tyler, I'll see you on Monday ♥'_

 

And if his texts hadn't made him smile earlier, they sure did at this very moment. Tyler took his pillow with his two hands and placed it over his head to try and hide the huge smile that was now on his face and to muffle the weird sounds that were coming out of his mouth. If someone would have told him two years ago that he would have become so cheesy when it came to someone in particular, Tyler probably would have laughed at their face. And he was very glad that his brother Zack didn't know anything about Josh cause he would probably have made fun of him for a long time if he did.

 

* * *

 

It was finally the end of the day and Tyler was the first one to get out of this classroom. Tuesdays were the worst because he had this history class and even if it was probably his favorite subject, the teacher was still hating him for submitting this essay one week after the deadline during the first months of this university year. And Tyler had tried everything to make it up to him but it still didn't seem to work. He sighed of relief when this teacher disappeared of his field of vision and tried to find a way among all these students walking around him. He didn't like it when many people were surrounding him in this university, it made him feel very nervous and oppressed, that's why he was usually walking as fast as he could with his head down, trying to avoid any eye contact.

 

'Why does he hate me so much?' Tyler asked to Mark when he finally got to his locker.

'I don't know, man. Maybe because you're always late at his class but he can't really do anything about it because you're so good at history. I mean, you would annoy me if I were him.'

 

Tyler just shrugged and opened his locker to leave the stuff he didn't need for the day after and it's only when Mark elbowed him that he looked up to see Josh walking towards him with a huge smile on his face. It had been a few days since Tyler hadn't talked to this blue-haired boy and seeing him was maybe making him much happier than he'd care to admit.

 

'How was your day?' Josh asked, leaning against some lockers.

'Fine, I guess. Boring. Yours?' Tyler answered.

'Same.' Josh said. 'Hey, I wanted to ask you something.' Josh added.

'Go ahead, listening.'

'I was wondering... Are you free tomorrow afternoon?'

'Yeah. I only have classes in the morning, from 9 to 11. Why?'

'Would you like to go out with me? Grab some coffee or something?' Josh asked and Tyler didn't understand why Josh seemed to be so nervous, and why he also wasn't talking to Mark who was standing just next to him.

'I'd love that, actually. Will there be a lot of people?' Tyler asked.

'Well... Me? I want us to go together?'

 

Believe me when I say that Tyler was trying really hard to understand what was going on but he just couldn't get why Josh seemed quite amused by his behavior and why Mark was laughing next to him. He thought about what he had said, trying to find something that could have seemed ridiculous but for the first time, he just didn't know what he had done wrong. And then Josh was letting out a small laugh, and Tyler frowned, giving him a questioning look.

 

'Sorry to interrupt a conversation that does not concern me but I think what Josh is trying to make you understand, Tyler, is that he wants to be alone with you. Did you get it now or do you want me to draw you a picture?' Mark said.

 

Tyler opened his mouth to say something but quickly closed it a few seconds later. Because now he had understood what Josh was referring to, he really didn't know what to answer. He could feel himself blush but then this blue-haired boy was smiling at him and really, why would someone like Josh Dun be interested in a guy like him?

 

'You want to hang out... With me? Like... As a date?' Tyler asked, still suspicious.

'Pretty much, yeah.' Josh answered.

'But why?' Tyler asked straight away. 'I mean... You don't even know me that well. And I'm really not interesting.'

'Let me have a say in it? Please?'

'Okay.' Tyler said after a few seconds.

'Okay?' Josh repeated with a broad smile.

'Okay.' And he himself had a small smile on his face.

 

Then Josh told him he was going to pick him up at his house at 4pm and Tyler simply nodded, trying his hardest not to smile but mostly to understand what had just happened and what Josh had just asked him. And that night, Tyler couldn't sleep but not because of these dark thoughts and nightmares but because of a blue-haired boy he was very exciting and stressed to see the next day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You asked for more well here's more. What do you think? Comments and kudos are always welcome :)
> 
> I really have to read the Sound and The Fury and trust me when I say I don't want to


	6. Chapter 6

'Amy I want to be dead, he's coming over in half an hour, I'm not even dressed, what am I supposed to wear?'

 

It had been at least twenty minutes that Tyler was standing in front of his wardrobe, only wearing an old tracksuit and a washed-out tee shirt and he really didn't know what he was supposed to wear. He had taken a nap after coming back home from school and may had woken up a little late. Our favorite student was so desperate that he had been looking for useful tips and advice cause, let's face it, you could find the answers to almost everything thanks to Google but he had only ended up on some stupid discussion groups where teenagers couldn't write a sentence without making a mistake on every words. And then Tyler had lost hope and really, Amy was probably the only one who could really help him. Mark and Dustin would have spent the entire time making fun of him rather than giving him actual advice.

 

'Calm Down, Tyler, everything's gonna be fine. And just wear something you're comfortable in. Josh likes you and he's the one who asked you out. He probably doesn't care.'

 

Tyler nodded and finally chose a black jean and this white tee-shirt he was always wearing inside out before putting on a sweatshirt. If Josh asked him out, surely it meant that he liked him at least just a little?

 

'I'm just gonna make a fool myself once again. I really don't know why I said yes'

'Maybe because you like him? Just be yourself and it will be just fine.'

 

Tyler thanked her and hung up cause Amy was supposed to meet with some friends of her to work on a group project. Tyler was more confident than before and that was all thanks to her friend. She was probably right, cause after all he had done or said in front of Josh, this one didn't seem to care so maybe it was a good sign. He still didn't understand why Josh was interested in a guy like him, but he just was and maybe this 'date' would help him understand this student a bit better. He entered the bathroom and splashed water on his face, hoping that it will remove all his imperfections but sighed of resignation when he looked up to see his own reflection in the mirror: He still looked incredibly boring. Josh was way too good for him.

He took his perfume bottle that he was only using on special occasion and Josh asking him out sure was a special occasion. He went back to his room and put on his black doc-martens and then it was 3:55 and Tyler was already thinking that Josh probably had changed his mind about all this and he surely wouldn't show up. He made his way downstairs and was really thankful that he was the only one in this house cause his family would have noticed that something was up and would have asked a thousand questions. He jumped when he heard someone ring the doorbell and he quickly stood up, taking a deep breath before opening the door to see Josh who was smiling broadly at him and Tyler quickly smiled back. But then, he noticed than Josh had dyed his hair pink and Tyler had to look down cause really, this guy was even more beautiful with pink hair.

 

'Hi' Josh said, still smiling.

'Hi.' Tyler answered. 'I'm gonna... I'm just gonna take my coat and I'll be right there. You can come in if you want.'

 

Tyler turned away and tried to breathe properly and tell himself that everything was under control, that he could do this but his body didn't seem to agree. Cause his heart was racing and his hands were shaking and he was so, so hot. He cleared his throat and put on his coat before making his way towards Josh who swept the room until his eyes fell on Tyler. They both left the house and Tyler locked the door before looking at Josh's hair once again.

 

'You dyed your hair.' He said with a smile.

'No, actually, I woke up this morning and they were pink.'

 

Tyler opened his mouth to say something but decided against it cause he had to admit that what he had said was pretty obvious. But he still smiled when Josh laughed at him, quickly looking down when he realized that he had already managed to say something stupid.

 

'It looks good on you.' He still said and Josh looked up to him and gave him a small smile.

'You think so? I wasn't so sure about it.' He answered.

'I know so.'

'Well for what it's worth, you look very good yourself.'

 

And Tyler was now blushing and he looked down once again. He really wanted this day to be as great as he had thought and he stayed quiet for a few minutes before following Josh into a Starbucks.

 

'What do you want to drink?' Josh asked.

'A chai tea latte, please.' He answered while closing the door of the Starbucks, cause he was now freezing.

 

He smiled when Josh ordered for him and by the time his wallet was in his hands, Josh had already paid for him and he quickly thanked him. He turned away and sat down on a table which was away from the other customers cause he wanted to hear Josh without having to prick up his ears. Josh was soon seated in front of him, putting the two hot drinks and the two muffins on the table.

 

'So Tyler, how was your class this morning?'

'Can we not talk about uni? Please?' Tyler asked and Josh laughed.

'What do you want to talk about?'

'I don't know... Anything... Oh, you like the X-Files?' Tyler asked when Josh took off his coat and revealed a 'I Want to Believe' shirt.

'I love it! I'm such a big fan, you like it too?' Josh asked and Tyler laughed.

'What are you laughing about?' Josh asked.

'Nothing... You just looked very excited about this show. It's cute.' Tyler said and blushed as soon as he realized what he had actually said to Josh but this one was only smiling.

'Well, it is the best show ever, of course I'm excited.' Josh said.

'Huh... No? The best show ever is Sense8? Like... You don't even have a say in it.'

'Did you even watch the X-Files?' Josh asked, mockingly.

'Did you even watch Sense8?'

'I didn't, actually.'

'Well why are you still sitting here then?' Tyler asked and couldn't help but smile when Josh let out a small laugh. This student was actually so easy to talk to and Tyler realized that he really didn't have to be anxious about this whole thing. Josh had a gift to make him feel perfectly at ease and for once in his life, he felt like there was absolutely nothing to worry about.

'You really want me to get out of this Starbucks and leave you alone?' Josh asked.

'No I don't.' Tyler said with a smile. 'What do you like so much about the X-Files anyway?' Tyler asked.

'I don't know... Everything, I guess? The universe and Mulder and I just love paranormal and aliens stuff.' Josh said.

'I only watched the first season, I should watch the rest.'

'You definitely should. We could watch it together? What do you think?' Josh asked.

'I'd like that. Okay. Next question. What's your favorite band?'

'Death Cab! Yours?' Josh asked.

'My Chemical Romance, probably. They're so inspiring.' Tyler said. 'I love Famous Last Words, the video clip is just so intense and powerful and... ' Josh was laughing now and Tyler just smiled, knowing he was always getting really excited every time he was talking about this band, even more now that they broke up. 'I can't believe they broke up.' Tyler added.

'Dustin told me you were writing your own songs?' Josh asked.

'He did?'

'Yeah... Is that a bad thing?' Josh added when he noticed Tyler's surprised look. That wasn't a thing that he usually talked about. Only his best friends knew about this and they never ever heard Tyler singing, except for Mark who was the only one aware of all the dark thoughts surrounding Tyler's mind.

'Hum... No it's not. It's just.... The lyrics are really... Deep, I guess? And personal. I'm kind of insecure about the stuff I write.'

 

And when Josh smiled and asked him another question that didn't have anything to do with his songs, Tyler knew that this one had guessed that he didn't want to talk about it anymore and he was being really respectful about it and Tyler liked him a little more.

 

‘Wanna get out of here and have a small walk?’ Josh asked.

‘Yeah, I’d love to.’

 

Tyler followed him out of the Starbucks and was surprised to see it was already 6:30pm, meaning they had spent more than two hours talking. Which was nice, really, because Tyler hadn’t been very anxious and hadn’t been constantly thinking of every possible things he could do wrong. He was speaking more freely now, with Josh, and it was a good feeling. He walked quietly besides Josh who was telling him about his family and Tyler discovered that this pink hair boy had two sisters and one brother and that he was the eldest children in his family. Then this one talked about music and a small smile appeared on Tyler’s face, he was bad at social interactions but he could talk about music.

 

‘I don’t know, my parents don’t want me to give up on uni but I’d love to just quit and start a band or something.’

‘You’re already joining my band, remember?’

‘True! Twenty One Pilots, right?’

‘You know I’m serious, right?’ Tyler added, looking up at Josh. ‘We could start a band.’

‘Well, I still have to graduate. But if you’re still interested by the end of next year, I’d be glad to become an official member of your band.’ Josh said, smiling.

‘Then I guess I should show you the songs I’m writing.’ Tyler answered.

‘I’d like that. Only when you feel ready, though.’ Josh said, while taking a seat on a bench.

 

Tyler nodded and sat next to him, looking at the several people who were walking in the park. Tyler liked to watch people and imagined their lives.

 

‘Can I have your number?’ Josh asked and Tyler nodded, taking his phone to type his phone number and handing it back to Josh. He smiled when this one sent him a text but frowned when he realized his number was already saved in his phone under the name of ‘Your future boyfriend’.

‘Oh my god, I swear to god, I didn’t do that, I’m sure it’s Dustin’ Tyler said when Josh let out a small laugh. 

‘Well, I wouldn’t mind.’ Josh answered and Tyler couldn’t help but blush. ‘Next time, I’m taking you here’ Josh added, pointing to the skate park next to a small lake. 

‘So there will be a next time?’ Tyler asked, smiling shyly at him. 

‘Of course there’ll be one, dummy.’ and Tyler smiled a little more. 

 

W hen they got back home, Tyler c ould see his father’s car and stopped at the threshold of his house, slowly turning back to Josh who only smiled at him, remaining silent for a few minutes. 

 

‘You’re much more interesting than you think.’ Josh said. 

‘I doubt that.’ Tyler answered. ‘Thank you for this afternoon, I had a lot of fun. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?’ He added.

‘Sure thing.’

 

Needless to say it was Tyler’s first date with a guy and he had no idea of what he was supposed to do right now. He hesitated for a few minutes but decided to go for it and he had to stand on tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek. He never thought he would be able to do that but when he saw Josh’s smile getting bigger, he had to admit that he was proud of himself.

He waved at him a last time and stepped into his house, leaving his bag on the couch. He could hear some music coming from the kitchen and he knew that his father was probably cooking dinner.

 

‘I’m home, dad.’ He said.

‘Where were you? I thought you didn’t have any class this afternoon.’

‘I was out with a friend.’ He answered.

‘Mark?’

‘Dad, you do know that I have other friends than Mark, right?’ Tyler asked, smiling.

 

Tyler had made his way to the kitchen and was looking at his dad trying to dance to the rhythm of the music that was being played in the radio. His father had never been a good dancer but he didn’t really care either, and Tyler had to admit that seeing him dancing was entertaining.

 

‘Dustin then?’ His father asked.

‘No, Josh.’ Tyler answered.

‘New Friend?’

‘Yeah, he’s in the basket-ball team, like Dustin.’ Tyler said. ‘Where is everyone?’

‘Your sister is out with a friend, Zack is feeling sick, he’s sleeping, and Jay and your mom are doing some grocery shopping.’

‘Well, I’ll be upstairs, I have tons of homework to do.’ Tyler said, climbing the stairs as quietly as he could so he wouldn’t wake up his brother. He was glad his father hadn’t asked many questions about Josh because he was a terrible liar and he didn’t want his father to know that he had just been on a date with this pink-hair boy. His family still didn’t know he was gay and even though Tyler was pretty sure they would be as accepting as he hoped them to be, he was still a little bit scared and wasn’t ready to tell them just yet.

He sat on his bed and was about to work on his William Faulkner’s essay when he felt his phone ringing in his bag. He quickly took it and his smile couldn’t get any bigger when his eyes fell on the text Josh had just sent him.

‘ _Okay it’s gonna sound super cheesy but I really like you.’_

‘ _Well, for what it’s worth, I really like you too.’_

‘Okay cut the crap, Tyler. Why are you smiling like an idiot and when were you planning to tell me that you’re dating Josh Dun?’

 

_God he was so screwed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story sucks but maybe you do like it so i'll go on writing


	7. Chapter 7

Tyler looked at his brother with wide eyes. He hadn’t planned to tell his whole family that he probably would date Josh Dun in the future anytime soon but his brother seemed to know already about his thing going on with the basket-ball player.

‘Oh my god, you do! You’re dating Josh freaking Dun!’ His brother yelled.

‘Shut up, I don’t!’ Tyler said. ‘Not yet.’ He added.

‘Holy shit!’ His brother said with a loud voice. ‘I didn’t know you were gay!’

‘Well now you do?’ Tyler said. He was a little bit scared of his brother’s reaction but this one didn’t seem to be so mad about it and Tyler couldn’t help but to feel relieved. Of course his brother wasn’t done questioning him but this one would probably already had made it clear that he wasn’t supporting him if he didn’t.

His brother was only watching him with a surprised look on his face, staying awfully quiet and Tyler was starting to feel very nervous about it.

‘Anyway, how do you know?’ Tyler asked, trying to feel confident while truly, his anxiety was slowly making its way through his body.

‘One of my friends, his brother is in the basket-ball team. Also happens to be a good friend of this Josh Dun we’re talking about.’ Zack explained.

‘And what do you think… About all that?’ Tyler asked, feeling very insecure.

‘About you being gay?’ His brother asked and wait for Tyler to nod to go on. ‘It’s cool. I don’t care. I mean, If you like having a dick in your ass, that’s your problem.’

‘Dude! I don’t even… That’s not… You’re gross!’

‘Whatever man, don’t play the innocent with me. Are you gonna tell the parents?’ Zack said while taking a seat on Tyler’s bed.

‘I don’t know… I mean, I eventually will if it’s getting serious, you know. But I just don’t know if they’ll...’

‘If they’ll be supportive?’

‘Yeah. I mean, I think they will. They never said anything negative about it. But they never said anything positive about it either. And I don’t want to be generalizing but I mean… Mom and dad are super religious and let’s say religious people are usually not very open-minded about this kind of things.’

‘Well there’s only one way to find out, bro.’ His brother said with a sympathetic smile. ‘But just know that you have my full support.’

‘Thanks Zack, I appreciate that.’ Tyler said.

‘So? What’s he like?’ Zack asked and Tyler let out a small laugh at this question. They weren’t very used to talk about their respective relationships but knowing that he had his brother’s full support felt good. And so Tyler allowed himself to talk about all the things he learned about Josh this afternoon. He told his brother everything about Josh’s weird obsession with cats, outer space, alien conspiracies and the X-Files. He told him that this one was playing the drums and was even planning to join his band after graduating, and as he was talking about this pink-hair boy, Tyler felt warm and _he couldn’t stop smiling_.

‘But we’re not officially dating.’ Tyler ended. ‘Although, I kinda think he wants to.’

‘Well from what you told me, he’s completely into you. So go for it, bro.’ Zack said with a broad smile. ‘Don’t worry about telling the parents just now.’

‘You think they won’t be supportive?’ He asked, a ball of anxiety rising up in his chest once again.

‘Well I don’t think Mom will be thrilled but I mean, it’s just an impression. That’s not a thing they’ve talked about on a regular basis.’

‘Yeah. Thanks Zack.’ Tyler said while his brother was standing.

This one smiled at him and left his room, letting his brother alone with his anxiety which was only getting worse. Spending this afternoon with Josh had enabled him to keep his dark and anxious thoughts quiet for a few hours, it was a weird feeling he got every time he was near this pink-hair boy. This guy had a weird effect on him, a good effect. And Tyler wasn’t going to complain. He quickly brought back his attention to his cellphone and this one was warning him of a new text from Josh and Tyler couldn’t help but smile hugely at the screen.

‘ _Let’s do it again soon, yeah?’_

‘ _I’d love to.’_ Tyler sent the message and bit his lower lip for a few seconds before typing a new text.

‘ _Can I ask you something?’_

‘ _Of course.’_

‘ _Are you out?’_

‘ _Yeah. I told my family two years ago. Everybody knows. Are you?’_

‘ _No. I mean my brother just discovered that there is a thing going on between us but otherwise nobody knows. Well, except for Amy, Dustin and Mark obviously. I’m kinda scared to tell my parents because they’re super religious.’_

‘ _You don’t have to tell them just now if you’re not ready. Don’t push yourself, okay? The time will come, eventually. Don’t beat yourself up about it.’_

Tyler was about to answer when his father called him from the kitchen to let him and his brothers and sister know that dinner was ready.

‘ _Thank you. I’m gonna eat, I’ll see you tomorrow?’_

‘ _See y_ _ou_ ♥’

 

He joined his family in the kitchen and sat next to his brother, smiling at him. His father was talking about his job and Tyler was only half listening. He couldn’t stop imagining himself the worst scenarios that could happen when he would tell his parents that he was gay and currently dating a guy, if he ever dated Josh in the near future. He was only eating quietly, trying to calm his anxiety.

He was soon back in his room and he was feeling overwhelmed by his thoughts and also by all the things he had wanted to do for university this afternoon. He had ended up talking to his brother during one hour, not that Tyler minded, but now he was left with these two essays and all these texts to translate for the week after and he didn’t know how to start. Tyler had never been able to identify the priorities when it came to homework and was always ending up being overwhelmed while trying to do everything at the same time.

It’s in this state of mind that he went to bed and these dark thoughts were coming back at full speed. Tyler hated the nighttime because it was only forcing him to think about all the things he had tried to ignore during the day. Because he was surrounding by darkness and silence and there was no distraction to mask what he was feeling.

And this night wasn’t any different. Tyler was crying his eyes out for a few hours in his bed and even though he was feeling the urge need to text Josh, his mind couldn’t stop from convincing him that he didn’t have the right to bother anyone, that nobody really cared anyway. He knew it was all only in his head, he knew deep down that he was making this up but at this very moment, it felt real.

Tyler only wanted to sleep so that he could stop thinking but he was feeling too restless and troubled. After what felt like years, Tyler finally got up and made his way towards the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror for a few seconds and let his tears roll down his cheeks and fall on his old tee-shirt and on the sink. His eyes fell on his arms where he could see these several scars that nobody had seen except for his family and Mark who had helped him getting through this dark period during high-school. He had always been scared of people’s reactions and it also was a period of his life that he wasn’t ready to share with anyone at the moment.

And really, Tyler knew he was getting better. He was better. Of course, there would always be this self-depreciation that would still pop up out of nowhere from time to time. He knew that things were probably be better soon enough but at this very moment, Tyler was overwhelmed by this anxiety and mental distress and he couldn’t think clearly. He sighed and came back in his room to snuggle into his cushions and the time on his watch read 5:32 in the morning. He closed his eyes and finally fell asleep after a few minutes.

‘Tyler, wake up, it’s 8:30!’ His brother said with a loud voice while knocking on his door.

Tyler woke up with a start and quickly got out of bed when he realized that he had less than half an hour to get dressed and leave the house to get to university for his first class. He took the first clothes that he could find in his wardrobe and put them on before running towards his bus stop. He hadn’t had time to eat anything and had only slept for two hours but still managed to keep his eyes open. He quickly got on the bus and sat on the first free chair he could find, resting his head on the window. He could see his reflection through the pane and sighed when he noticed his pale and tense face and these dark rings under his eyes.

When he entered the classroom for his first period, his teacher wasn’t here yet and Tyler quickly made his way towards Mark to sit next to him, ignoring the knowing look that his friend was giving him.

‘Dude, what happened? You look like shit.’ Mark said.

‘Yeah… I didn’t get much sleep, but I’ll be okay. Don’t worry about it.’

Hearing the loud voices of his friends was starting to make his head hurt and when his teacher started talking, Tyler couldn’t focus more than five minutes and was struggling really hard not to close his eyes because he knew he would probably fall asleep instantly if he did.

The morning went by just as slowly as his first period and when he came out of the main building to reach the cafeteria, Tyler went through his bag only to find out that he had forgotten his wallet but also his keys in his room this morning, meaning that he couldn’t eat anything and had to wait for his brother to be done with his football practice at 7pm to come back home. Of course, he could had asked Mark for a little bit of money but his friends were still having classes for about three hours and Tyler was done for the day.

He turned around and was about to enter the university library but his body felt so weak that he sat on a bench and put his head in his hands while his stomach was growling of hunger. He jumped with surprise when a hand was placed on his shoulder and looked up to see Josh who was only looking at him with a concerned look on his face.

‘Hey, you okay in there?’ He said with a gentle smile.

‘I… I didn’t get much sleep and I woke up late so I didn’t have time to eat anything. I'm fine... Don’t worry about me.’ Tyler said. The last thing he wanted was to worry Josh. ‘But I need to work… At the library.’

As he was about to get up to enter this library, Josh stopped him by placing a hand on his arm and spoke with a low voice.

‘Hey, right now, I think you need to eat something, okay?’ He said, holding his hand.

‘I don’t have any money, I forgot my wallet.’

‘Don’t worry about that.’ Josh reassured him, opening the door of the cafeteria for him.

Tyler let Josh guide him through the room and when this one moved a chair with one of his foot, Tyler slowly sat, leaning his head on his hands once again, his elbows on the table. His hands were shaking but Tyler chose to ignore it, looking up to see Josh coming back with a tray, and he couldn’t help but laugh when he noticed that this one was full of food. Josh had bought two sandwiches, a bag of crisps, two doughnuts, one red-bull can and a bottle of water.

‘Eat.’ Josh said with a smile while taking a seat next to him, taking a bite of his own sandwich.

‘There’s no way I can eat all of that, Josh.’ Tyler said, laughing. It was the first time of the day he was laughing. And really, Josh was probably the only one being able to do that.

‘I’m a kind person, I’ll help you.’

‘So generous of you.’

‘I know, right?’

Tyler smiled and laughed once again when Josh pointed his finger at one of the sandwich, giving him a knowing look. And so he took a first bite and couldn’t help but to feel much better instantly. They both ate quietly, Tyler looking down at the table and Josh making sure that this one was eating everything.

A few minutes later, this tray was empty and Tyler knew that Josh would eventually want to know the reason why he was looking so tired and weak and when he looked up at him, this one was still watching him with concern, as if he knew that there was something bigger hiding behind this tiredness and hunger.

‘You do know that you can talk to me about it, right?’

‘I know.’ Tyler answered with a small voice, nodding.

His elbows were still on the table and Tyler went on nodding for a few seconds until he couldn’t take it anymore and burst into tears right in front of Josh. He hated himself for looking so miserable in front of him but he was feeling exhausted and he didn’t even know why he was crying but it felt good. To let it all go. And so he went on crying for a few minutes until Josh’s hand found a way on the back of his neck and Tyler could feel his fingers playing with the roots of his hair.

‘I’m sorry.’ He said, wiping his tears with his sweatshirt. ‘I’m sorry.’ He repeated, sitting up straight and taking a deep breathe.

‘You have nothing to be sorry for, sweetie.’ Josh said and Tyler blushed at the nickname. ‘But I think you should rest.’ He added. ‘Do you want me to drive you home?’

‘I forgot my keys, I need to wait for my brother. I’ll just stay here, it’s no big deal.’ Tyler answered.

‘We can go at my place? What do you say?’

‘Well if it’s not bothering you… I could use a nap.’

Tyler followed Josh out of the cafeteria and got into his car, ignoring the worried looks of the other student. The ride was quiet, Josh was carefully driving and looking at Tyler from time to time and this one was just too tired to start a conversation. He was feeling tired but also ashamed to have cried in front of him although he had to admit that it was reassuring to have Josh by his side. He was just scared that being so vulnerable in front of him would made things awkward between them, and that was the last thing he wanted at this moment.

He opened his eyes that he didn’t remember closing when the car stopped in front of an old building. He climbed the stairs and waited for Josh to open his door to enter into the apartment – Josh’s family was living in Cleveland and this one was living here by himself. As soon as Tyler took a few steps inside his flat, Josh quickly picked up all the beer bottles and the pizza boxes lying around the living room and put them in the trash bin.

‘Sorry for that. I didn’t expect you to come here.’ Josh apologized.

‘Don’t worry. My room is a mess too.’

‘Well, make yourself at home, okay?’

Tyler thanked him quietly and sat on an armchair to take his shoes off, as well as his coat, leaving it on a chair next to the television. He gave a small smile to Josh and couldn’t stop himself from yawning for a few seconds, mumbling a quick ‘sorry’ the second after.

‘Don’t worry. You should lie down for a moment, Tyler. Try to sleep.’ Josh told him while unfolding the couch to turn it into a bed.

Josh was acting like his mother but Tyler still laid down on the couch like he had been asked, and he had to admit that it felt really good. He closed his eyes and didn’t have time to notice Josh placing a pillow under his head and covering him with a blanket that he was already fast asleep.

This time, Tyler woke up by feeling a hand going through his hair for a few seconds. He slowly opened his eyes and looked up to see Josh who quickly removed his hand from his hair and smiled at him.

‘It’s 6:45. I thought you’d like me to drive you back home.’ Josh explained, standing up.

‘I’m sorry for this. Didn’t mean to sleep for that long. I hope you didn’t get bored.’

‘Oh no, I had tons of homework to do anyway. And you needed to rest.’

Tyler slowly sat up straight on the couch, and put his head in his hands, his elbows on his knees. He didn’t notice Josh taking a seat next to him until this one put one of his hands on his shoulder and kissed him on the cheek, making him blush profusely. He looked down and stayed quiet for a few seconds before taking his floral shoes and putting them on.

‘Dude, your shoes are sick!’ Josh exclaimed with a huge smile.

‘Oh thanks, I bought them online two weeks ago. I really like them.’

He put on his coat and went down the stairs, waiting for Josh to open the car to get into it and sit on the passenger seat. Josh started the car and Tyler looked out the window, watching the busy streets of Columbus.

‘I hate the nighttime.’ He blurted out.

‘Why is that?’ Josh asked him with a calm voice.

‘I have these insomnia and I guess I just… There are so many distractions throughout the day. You can always find something to do to escape your thoughts, you know? It’s easy to ignore them, sometimes. But when you’re about to go to sleep? There’s nothing than can keep you from thinking about all the things you tried so hard to ignore.’

Tyler didn’t mean to tell all of that to the other student but whenever he was near Josh, his anxiety seemed to disappear and talking felt weirdly easy.

‘Yeah, it happens to me too, sometimes. You already tried to see someone? A therapist?’ Josh asked.

‘I used to.’

‘What was he saying?’

‘Well, he… I got diagnosed with… Some stuff. Anxiety, obviously, I guess you noticed. Self depreciation issues and… Some other things.’ Tyler said, vaguely. That’s not a thing he really wanted to discuss at the moment and Josh seemed to get the hint because he just smiled at him and said nothing for a few seconds.

‘Let me help you.’ Josh said.

‘I don’t know if there’s a lot you can do.’

‘Let me try?’

Tyler only nodded and Josh just smiled at him, parking the car in front of his house. Tyler could see his father’s car and some lights on in the living-room, letting him know that his family just came back home. He unfastened his seat-belt, and opened the door, quickly looking up at Josh when this one put one of his hand on his shoulder, keeping him from moving. Tyler could see Josh’s lips moving closer to his face and the next thing he knew Josh was kissing him on the forehead and Tyler could feel his heart pounding wildly against his chest.

‘Call me if it’s getting too bad.’

‘I will.’ Tyler said. ‘Thank you.’

Tyler mumbled a quick ‘see you tomorrow’ and stepped out of the car to get in his house. He didn’t take the time to say hi to his parents and went directly to his room to let himself fall on his bed and scream into his pillow, creating a muffled sound.

Josh Dun was going to be the death of him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Having to translate everything in my head before I write it down is so frustrating and tiring. Wish I could be an English native speaker. 
> 
> By the way, I just discovered that Dustin Heveron may had done some creepy shit on Twitter with some top fans, I don't know if it's true and I really hope it's not but I still decided to remove him from the story, I mean there's still a guy called Dustin but it's just an original male character. 
> 
> Sorry for taking so long, I've been very busy with uni and I'll probably be even busier now with the exams coming yay hope you like this chapter, don't hesitate to tell me what you think :)


	8. Chapter 8

It was a Sunday afternoon. Tyler was laying down on his bed, looking at the ceiling of his room, thinking of some pink-haired boy. He couldn’t think of anything else since this one had driven him back home, it was almost scary, and frustrating, sometimes. As much as Tyler liked spending time with the other student, he didn’t really know if Josh wanted to take their relationship to a new level. And maybe he was a little bit naive because he had to admit that their friendship was very ambiguous: They had exchanged so many texts these past few days and Josh had been more tactile than usual, but he still wasn’t making any move. Because let’s be honest, Tyler was way too shy and awkward to initiate the first kiss and so he was patiently waiting for Josh to do it. And maybe this one just wanted to take it slow, and Tyler wouldn’t mind, but his brain couldn’t stop assuming that maybe there was a possibility that Josh didn’t like him, that he was just playing with him.

Tyler just needed to be discreet now. He couldn’t stop smiling like an idiot whenever Josh was sending him a message and even though his brother already knew about the two of them, his parents didn’t, and Tyler had not planned to tell them anytime soon. Besides, Tyler was pretty sure his dad was already having doubts about it and was only staying quiet because he wanted to hear it from his son.

He hadn’t seen the pink-haired boy many times since he had taken a nap in his apartment. He had just run into him a couple of times in the corridors in the university and had eaten with him and his friends once, but Tyler had felt too shy and anxious to talk in front of new people, even though he had already seen them two or three times. Mark and Dustin hadn’t stopped annoying him for the past few days and Tyler was glad to have a day-off to have a break from his friends’ silliness. He jumped with surprise when he heard his cell phone vibrating against his bedside table and a broad smile appeared on his face when he unlocked his phone. It was Josh, once again.

_‘Still laying down and contemplating the ceiling?’_

_‘Yup’_

_‘What about contemplating me skateboarding instead?’_

_‘What a feast for my eyes’_

Tyler let out a small laugh while typing the message. He wasn't going to send it, though. It was one of his weird habits, typing messages he would send if he wasn’t an awkward kid with social anxiety. He was about to erase the text when his thumb slipped and pressed the send button instead.

‘Oh my god, what the FUCK?’

He quickly sat on his bed and bit his lower lip, scared to read the answer of the other student. This one was not too long to reply, and Tyler smiled a little at the message.

_‘Okay Mark, give the cell phone back to Tyler.’_

_‘Huh actually, it’s Tyler. But I didn’t mean to send that. I mean, I did. But not really.’_

_‘Does that mean you’re not looking forward to check me out?’_

_‘Oh my god, stop talking.’_

_‘I’ll see you in a bit, Ty ;)'_

Tyler put on his shoes and went down the stairs as quickly as he could to get his coat and his beanie, warning his parents that he was going out to see a friend. He made sure that these ones heard him but didn’t stay long enough to hear their answers because he knew they would start to ask questions that he wouldn’t be able to reply without blushing.

He made his way to the park that Josh showed him a few days ago, listening to Queen with his headphones. It was very cold, he could feel the wind whipping widely against his face and his hands becoming numb.

When he reached the skate park, Tyler looked around for a few seconds to try and find Josh until his eyes fell on Dan, one of Josh’s friends, who was seated against a low wall with some other people Tyler didn’t know. After a few seconds, Dan waved at him and Tyler walked towards him, feeling a bit anxious and disappointed. He thought he would be alone with Josh and now he had to deal with other people. People he wasn’t ready to face just yet. He knew that he was probably just overreacting, but some days, he needed to be in a right state of mind to interact socially with people he didn’t know. And it was one of those days. And he didn’t have the time to prepare himself before leaving his house and it was only worsening his anxiety.

‘Josh, your boyfriend’s here!’ Dan said with a loud voice.

Tyler couldn’t help but blush at the remark and instantly felt relieved when he saw the pink-haired boy skateboarding towards him. This one stopped abruptly in front of him by tipping up his skateboard towards him and smiled warmly at him a few seconds after. Tyler knew Josh. He could deal with Josh. 

‘So, a feast for your eyes, huh?’ Josh asked, winking at him.

‘Well, I…’

Tyler didn’t finish his sentence and blushed profusely when Josh laughed and kissed him on the cheek before leaving him again with all his friends. Tyler sighed and awkwardly smiled at them before taking a seat next to Dan who had always been nice to him since he met him at the party. But he still wasn’t feeling comfortable and couldn’t say a word without the fear of being judged. And so, he just stayed silent most of the times, watching Josh doing all these jumps with his skateboard. He had no idea if these jumps had a name and hadn’t been a big fan of skateboarding ever since he tried it and broke his ankle when he was young. He just knew that Josh seemed good at it.

After a while, Josh joined them and sat next to Tyler, putting his arm around his shoulders and tracing small patterns on his chest with his hands, as if he knew he wasn’t feeling well. Tyler gave him a small smile and listened to them talking about what they had planned for their next vacation. He was feeling brave enough to say a few words, sometimes, and he was glad to see that all of Josh’s friends seemed to try and make him feel welcome.

After a while, one of his friends stood up and told them he had to get back home for a family dinner and Tyler smiled at that. He had always hated family dinner. Don’t get him wrong, he loved his family. He always had. But family dinners were always too much to handle, especially when all his cousins were joining them. He had to answer so many boring questions about his studies and love life, and politics was his uncle’s favorite conversation topic. Let’s say it wasn’t his. Tyler hated talking about politics. Mostly because his extended family was close-minded, so they always ended up fighting.

‘You’re okay in there?’

‘What? Huh… Yeah. Sorry. I zoned out for a bit. You said something?’

‘I was just asking you if you wanted to go at my place? We could order pizzas and watch some series.’

‘I’d love that!’ Tyler said, smiling. ‘Maybe we could watch the x-files, so I can finally decide whether it’s better than Sense8’

‘Yeah… As if you had a say in it.’

Tyler laughed and followed Josh out of the park. He opened the passenger’s door of Josh’s car and sat down, wondering whether he should tell him that he had felt a bit taken by surprise this afternoon. He didn’t want to sound excessive, but he also knew that it was better to talk about his anxiety as soon as possible rather than pretending that nothing was bothering him. He glanced at him for a few seconds and when he saw that Josh was smiling warmly at him, he decided to go for it.

‘Josh?’

‘Hum?’

‘I know we’ve already talked about it, but I have social anxiety and today… Well, I thought it was just going to be the two of us, and… And I know it’s not a big deal, and that I’m probably overreacting but when I saw all your friends in the park, I was a bit… I was a bit taken aback, I guess. And I’m not saying that I don’t want to spend time with your friends, I’m just saying that... I… Sometimes, I just don’t… I just don’t feel like hanging out with lots of people, because… It’s tiring me out. It’s taking a lot of my energy, and… I know it can seem weird, but if you could warn me next time… That’s be great.’

It wasn’t unusual for Tyler to get lost in his explanations. He usually had a lot to say and couldn’t find a way to make it simple. Josh didn’t seem bothered by this weird habit, though, because he was nodding and smiling at him once again.

‘It’s not weird, I get it. I’m sorry you felt that way today, I should have guessed. I’ll keep that in mind from now on.’

‘Thanks.’ Tyler answered, smiling. ‘They’re nice, though. Your friends. I know I can seem a little bit abrupt with people I don’t know well but I like them.’

‘You did good. They like you. They would have made it clear if they didn’t.’

Tyler laughed at this comment and nodded, Josh’s friends seem to be as frank as Dustin and Mark. After a few minutes, Josh was parking his car in his assigned space of the building’s parking lot. They were soon in his apartment and Tyler took off his coat to put it on the sofa. His mom had always hated finding their coats on the sofa, and it was one of the advantage of spending the evening with Josh, this one was as lazy as him. Speaking of his mom, Tyler typed a quick text to his parents, warning them that he was having dinner with some friends because he definitely didn’t want them to worry and to call him in the middle of an episode.

‘What kind of pizzas do you want?’ Josh said, loudly, from his room.

‘I don’t mind but no pineapple, please!’

‘Dude, did you really think I was the kind of person who eats pizzas with pineapples? I’m hurt.’

Tyler let out a small laugh and sat cross-legged on the sofa when Josh came out of his room with his computer, an episode of the x-files already ready to be played.

‘Pizzas are on their way. Ready to be blown away?’

Tyler nodded and focused all his attention on the episode being played, trying to follow the plot. It wasn’t that hard to get, and Tyler was usually doing something else while watching this kind of series, but he knew that Josh would probably take it as a personal attack if he did that now. After a few seconds, Tyler could feel Josh’s eyes on him, as if he wanted to make sure that he wasn’t bored and that he liked what he was watching.

‘You know, looking at me won’t make me appreciate the series. We’re watching the episode and then I’ll tell you what I think about it.’

Josh laughed at this and nodded, putting an arm around his shoulders and Tyler would be lying if he said he wasn’t happy about it. This pink-haired guy was driving him crazy and for a moment, he couldn’t think about anything else than the arm he could feel around his shoulders. Soon enough, Josh’s fingers were tracing small patterns on his chest again and for once, Tyler felt like he didn’t have to worry about a single thing. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t realize that the episode had ended a few minutes ago and that Josh was looking at him, intrigued.

‘I like it.’ Tyler said with a smile.

And then Josh was laughing, and Tyler was looking at him and he was so so beautiful.

 _I could kiss him right now_. He thought to himself. But he didn’t.

He was just smiling, and he couldn’t take his eyes off him and Tyler was glad to hear the knock on the door, warning them that the pizza delivery guy had arrived because he really needed to think about something else. And pizzas were a good distraction. Pizza was the solution to everything.

Tyler waited for Josh to put the boxes on the coffee table and open them to play the second episode of the show. He was feeling a bit nervous and was eating quietly, watching the episode and smiling whenever Josh was laughing at something the main character was saying. He loved Josh’s laugh and the way his eyes would crinkle every single time he was doing so.

After a few hours and several episodes, Tyler could feel his eyelids getting heavier and heavier. He hadn’t slept well the past few days and he hadn’t really told his parents nor Josh about it because he didn’t want to worry them. Especially his parents. He didn’t want them to be worried sick as they were a few years ago. He placed his head on Josh’s shoulder and before he could realize what was happening, he was already fast asleep.

 

Tyler woke up with a start a few hours later and instantly felt a wave of fear and panic. He had no idea where he was. He sat on the sofa and tried to catch his breath and it’s only when he dared to look around that he remembered he had fallen asleep on Josh’s couch. Meaning he was safe. He got up and made his way to the kitchen to serve himself a glass of water before coming back in the living room. He was used to these insomnias and they had become so frequent that Tyler didn’t know if they would eventually stop one day.

It was only 3am and the room was cold. He only had a soft blanket to cover himself with and so he got up once again and started going trough the different closets to try and find another duvet, but Tyler supposed that Josh was surely keeping them in his room because they were nowhere to be found. The pink-haired student still had placed an old pajama on the sofa and Tyler was relieved to see that it was an old jogging and a long-sleeves tee shirt, that way he could hide his scars from Josh. He was definitely more comfortable wearing these clothes, but he was still freezing, and his eyes eventually fell on the bedroom’s door. Josh’s bedroom.

He sat there for a while, looking at the door, without being able to take a decision. He didn’t want to bother Josh in the middle of the night but at the same time, he knew that he would never be able to fall asleep without an extra blanket. That’s how indecisive he was. Every single situation was scaring him and he could spend half-an-hour in a supermarket, not knowing whether he should buy Lucky Charms or Cheerios. And tonight wasn’t any different.

After a while of intense reflection, he still got up to make his way towards the door and stood there for a few minutes, gathering all his courage to open the door and take a few steps until he was standing next to a sleeping Josh.

‘Josh’ He whispered.

Josh seemed to be fast asleep and so Tyler repeated his name a little bit louder and this time, Josh moved and slowly opened his eyes.

‘Tyler? Are you okay?’

‘Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, I just… I’m freezing in your living-room, do you have some more blankets or someth-‘

‘Come here.’ Josh answered, smiling warmly at him.

Tyler frowned for a few seconds and when Josh lifted up the blanket, he suddenly understood what he meant. He was inviting him to sleep next to him. On the same bed. Tyler could feel his heart pounding in his chest, but he still laid down next to him, thanking him when this one covered him with the blanket. Josh got up and even though the room was in the dark, he was still able to see that Josh was only wearing boxer shorts and he could instantly feel himself blush. The student came back with an extra blanket and placed it next to Tyler before joining him under the duvet.

‘Better?’

‘Yeah. Thank you.’

‘Are you sleeping better lately?’

‘Not really.’

‘Still having these insomnias?’

‘Yeah. But I’m fine, don’t worry about me.’

‘I’m always worried about you, Tyler.’ Josh said, placing one of his hands on his cheek.

Josh was looking at him with so much love and Tyler couldn’t take his eyes off him. Next thing he could feel was warm lips against his.

 

_Josh was kissing him_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter as much as I hated writing it.
> 
> How much does this story suck?


	9. Chapter 9

The kiss was brief. It was so brief that Tyler was actually wondering if something had actually happened or if it was just his mind playing tricks on him. After all, as creepy as it seemed, it wasn’t the first time Tyler was thinking about kissing the other student. But then, Josh was looking at him with a small smile on his face, and Tyler realized that no, this definitely wasn’t just a dream.

‘Was that okay?’ Josh asked, with a gentle voice.

‘It… It was. It was more than okay.’ Tyler answered, smiling shyly.

The kiss had just lasted a few seconds and Tyler only really wanted to feel the lips of Josh pressed against his once again. His hand was still on his cheek and Tyler looked at him for a while more before speaking with a low voice, almost whispering.

‘Can you… Do you think we could do that again?’

‘I think we can.’ Josh said, letting out a small laugh before closing the small gap between them by kissing him another time. Only, this time, the kiss was more heated than the first one and Tyler didn’t really have time to register what was happening that Josh was already on top of him, leaving small kisses on his neck. Tyler could feel himself become more and more nervous, not that he wasn’t appreciating what the other student was doing to him, he did, he just didn’t know if he was ready for it just yet.

‘Josh.’ Tyler said. ‘Trust me, you’re doing a great job but…’

‘Is it too much?’ Josh immediately asked, looking up at him.

‘Yeah. It’s not that I don’t like it… But… I'm sorry.’

‘Hey, Tyler, there’s absolutely nothing to be sorry for, okay? We’ll take it as slow or as fast as you want it to be, okay?’

‘Thank you.’ Tyler whispered.

‘Come here.’ Josh said, lifting one of his arms up, inviting Tyler to nestle against him. Which he did.

Tyler woke with a start by hearing one of Josh’s neighbors slamming the door of their flat. He slowly opened his eyes, still feeling very tired, and he suddenly felt a rush of anxiety going through his body when he remembered what had happened the night before. He wasn’t on the couch anymore but laying down on Josh’s bed. He could already feel himself blush and when he turned over, Josh was sitting on his bed, leaning against the wall. The pink-hair student was looking at him with a small smile on his face and Tyler couldn’t help himself from smiling back at him.

‘Good morning’ Josh said, still smiling.

‘Mornin’’ Tyler answered, groggily.

‘You slept well?’

Tyler only nodded and soon, his eyes were lingering on Josh’s torso: you could clearly see that he was working out and Tyler felt suddenly very self-conscious about his flat, boring chest.

‘Like what you see?’ Josh teased and let out a small laugh when Tyler turned into a blushing mess.

Josh’s attention was soon back on his cell phone and Tyler sighed when he realized he had to get back home in one hour. He was supposed to eat with his family, along with some of his cousins, aunts, and uncles and saying he wasn’t looking forward to that was an understatement. He had always hated family meals. Firstly, it could last for hours and secondly, he had to do small talk and it was probably one of the things he hated the most.

His aunts and uncles would probably ask him about university and Tyler would answer evasively, because let’s face it, he himself didn’t even know why he was staying in this university, learning things he didn’t really care about. He was only doing it for his parents and was waiting for the day he could pursue his dream and start making music for a living.

He still hadn’t really talked about it to his parents and was a little bit afraid of telling them all about it because he knew they wouldn’t be thrilled. He knew they wouldn’t try to dissuade him from trying, but he himself was afraid of trying and failing, like many others did before.

‘Sometimes, I just want to drop out of college and start a band or something.’

‘You know you could do that, right? Nothing is actually stopping you.’

‘I know. But it’s scary.’

‘What is?’

‘I don’t know… I guess I’m just scared to try and… To try and fail. I mean… Music has always been my secret place, you know. It’s always been cathartic for me, in a way. And… And maybe… Maybe, people won’t get it? Maybe they won’t understand what I want to say. I don’t want to just make it and become another artist with meaningless lyrics. I want them to make sense. That’s what’s important. Meaning.’

‘I’m sure some people will. I’m sure _I_ will.’

‘You’d better. You’re the drummer after all.’

Josh let out a small laugh once again and slowly leaned over to press his lips against his for a few seconds.

‘Josh.’ Tyler said, after a while.

‘Hum?’ The other asked, his lips a few centimeters away from his nose.

‘Are we… Are we like a thing, now?’

Josh smiled a little bit at that, squinting his eyes, and Tyler only looked down, feeling more and more nervous. Josh quickly brought his hand on the back of his neck and pressed his lips against his to kiss him gently, forcing him to look up.

‘You’re so adorable.’

‘Shut up.’ Tyler said, looking down once again.

‘What do you want us to be?’ Josh asked.

‘I… I want us to be together.’ Tyler answered, whispering, placing his forehead against Josh’s chest, burying his face on his neck a few seconds later. ‘Only if you want it too.’ He added.

‘There’s nothing that would make me happier.’ Josh answered, kissing him on the head.

‘That was cheesy.’

‘Shut up, we both know you’re the biggest sap of the both of us.’

‘Oh, really?’ Tyler said, sitting up straight on Josh’s bed. ‘I’m not so sure about that’

At this point, Josh’s smile couldn’t get any bigger and this one only tilted his head to press his lips against the ones of the smaller boy.

‘We’ll see about that, Tyler Joseph.’

 

They were soon walking down the streets, heading towards Tyler’s house. Josh had suggested going to the city center during the afternoon to him, but Tyler knew that this family meal would probably last for hours and that it was unlikely he could join him later, considering the huge amount of homework that still needed to be done.

It was only a twenty minutes’ walk to his house, and when they turned left to a small alley, Tyler could see his house in the distance. He took a few steps forwards and stopped, turning around to glance at Josh who had stuck his skateboard between his back and his rucksack.

‘You should try and teach me how to skateboard. I’ve only tried once, and I ended up breaking my ankle. And now, I’m too scared to try again.’

‘Sure thing, kiddo.’

Tyler smiled at him for a while and stayed silent. He could see his uncle’s car already parked on the pavement next to his house and he knew he should probably hurry if he didn’t want to be late. He hadn’t told his parents where he was exactly, and he knew he would only be welcomed with a thousand of questions. His parents had always been overprotective, even more since they had discovered the scars on his arms. Nobody else knew about them, except Mark and Tyler was definitely not ready to tell Josh all about it. He was scared this one would reject him, find him ugly or decide to leave him. He didn’t seem like the kind of person who would do that kind of things, Tyler knew that, but sometimes his mind would get the best of him.

‘What are you thinking of?’ Josh said with a gentle voice.

‘What? Oh, nothing. I just… I just zoned out for a minute, sorry.’

Tyler was about to say something, but Josh quickly took his hand in his and intertwined their fingers for a while, before bringing them to his mouth to press his lips against the back of his hand.

‘Tyler, I just wanted you to know that… I know you’re not as fine as you seem. And that’s okay, I’m not forcing you to tell me, but I just want you to know that you can trust me, whatever this is you’re feeling. You can trust me. You can talk to me, whenever you feel ready.’

Tyler was quiet. He was just looking at Josh without blinking. He didn’t know what to say, and how to answer and so he did the only thing he could think of at this very moment: He moved forward and crashed their lips together another time. He quickly placed his hands on Josh’s pink hair to bring him even closer than he already was. They went on kissing for a few seconds and Tyler eventually put his arms around Josh’s back, tiptoeing so he could place his chin on his shoulder.

‘Thank you.’ He whispered.

‘Anytime.’

They eventually pulled away and Josh kissed him one last time before turning around to make his way back. Tyler stayed motionless on the pavement for a while, looking at the pink-hair boy disappearing from his field of vision and wondering how he got so lucky.

He eventually made his way towards the front door and took a deep breath before opening it and taking a few steps in the living-room, smiling at his uncle who looked up at him straight away.

‘Where have you been?’ His mother told him from the kitchen.

Tyler opened his mouth to tell her that he had actually spend the night at Josh’s house but refrained himself from doing so the second after. His parents had still no idea who this Josh was and he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face while talking about the other student.

‘At Amy’s’. He said, after a while. ‘We watched a movie and I fell asleep.’

Tyler wasn’t completely lying, and a small smile appeared on his face when he reminded himself the obsession Josh had for the x-files. It was weird, but pretty cute.

‘Oh… I see.’ His dad said, with a smile.

Tyler frowned for a few seconds and let out a small laugh when he realized his dad was surely thinking that there was a thing going on between the two of them. He did nothing to try and convince him otherwise though, because he wasn’t ready to tell them he was dating a guy just yet. He knew his parents, especially his dad, would probably be supportive, but he still couldn’t help but to worry a little bit and think about the worst-case scenario.

‘How is she?’ His dad asked, with a knowing smile.

‘She’s good.’ Tyler only answered.

‘You should invite her over for dinner sometimes.’ His dad added.

‘I will.’

Tyler tried to ignore the wink his dad gave him but still smiled a little bit at that, thinking it was pretty funny to see how his dad seemed to be proud of himself for guessing the truth while he had actually gotten it all wrong.

He helped his mom cook for a while wile his younger brother was watching a cartoon with two of his cousins. They were all a lot younger than him and he didn’t really have any cousin of his age, which is partly why he was usually bored during family meals.

‘How is everything going in college, Tyler?’ His uncle asked once they were all seated around the table.

‘Good. I’m doing good.’

‘You’re still into music?’

‘Well, I chose it as my minor, so yeah. Still am.’

Tyler was spending most of his free time in his room, trying to put his feelings into words or in his basement, playing the piano his mother had bought for him a few years ago, or the ukulele.

His uncle then asked some questions to his brother Zack and the conversation focused on his brother's studies, and on how good a student he was. Tyler was silently eating and only half-listening to the discussion his parents were having. Zack was usually the center of attention, and Tyler didn’t mind. His brother had always been more talkative than him and he was more than okay with that.

Tyler eventually retreated to his room and tried to finish the history’s essay he had to submit by the end of the week, but he was mostly busy texting back and forth with Josh which, let’s face it, was a far more enjoyable occupation.

It was soon time for him to sleep and Tyler changed into his pajamas and slipped under the covers, silently praying that he would finally be able to catch up on sleep.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long, once again. Uni has been hell lately, I have so many things to do and I have like no time for anything else. That being said, I hope you liked it. Still not the story I prefer writing but I'm trying my best. Not gonna be too long before the end, though.
> 
> Comments/Kudos are always welcomed! Thanks so much for the continued support, it means a lot!


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